I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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