Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
