so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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