then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
