Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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