dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
