I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
