I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
