If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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