i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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