i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
