just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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