Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
