No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i out mim tonsoeep
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