Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
