My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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