but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
