My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
