she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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