a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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