the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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