dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
