She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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