Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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