My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
