I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
