dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
