smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
