just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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