I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
