we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
