he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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