They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
