; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
