i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
