I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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