the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
