after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
