I'm really into asian looking animals
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
