I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
