Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
