Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
