perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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