Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
