Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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