She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize