I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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