No stitches, just platelets and will power
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
