Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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