don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
