apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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