And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
