used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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