Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
