You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
