dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
