I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
