So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
