very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
