What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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