Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize