you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
