Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
