if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
be right there i have to get my cape
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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