you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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