i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
