this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize