eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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