every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
