i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
