Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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