My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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