You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
