How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
