Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
what day is it and did you see me today?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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