Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
