i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize